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How to get a girl who is out of your league

Have you ever crushed on that one girl whose face is glowing from so much nur it makes you want to stop in your tracks and pray two rak’ahs? Two things:

  1. that nur you’re seeing is most likely Christian Dior Shimmer Star (that’s make-up)
  2. this is a common reaction when the girl is most likely OUT.OF.YOUR.LEAGUE.

Yes, this can be a downright depressing realization and most guys will move to another country, become obsessed with World of Warcraft, and sometimes even start to hurt little animals (don’t EVER do this or we will hunt you down). Fear no more our little Mr. Mashallahs-in-training, we are here to help you get the girl of your dreams!

1. Make sure she knows who you are. If you are admiring her from afar…get closer. We know you have done a prime job of stalking her so we’re sure you know what she likes, where she hangs out, what her favorite perfume is, what color her loofa is, etc. Instead of keeping a detailed diary of her every move, you need to mobilize yourself and get into her line of vision. If she’s on the MSA board…start attending MSA meetings and events. If you know what classes she takes…get into the same class. Yes, this seems really stalkerish (which it is) but you need to make sure she even knows you exist. So stop hiding behind your XBOX, and start hiding behind her house (just kidding, do not do this because you will get arrested. But you get the idea.)

2. Have a really good job or at least the potential of having a really good job some day. Money can’t buy happiness BUT it can buy clothes, shoes, make-up, hijabs, Qurans (whatever floats her boat, and trust me, you want her boat to float).

3. Buy a house, inherit a house, lie about being able to buy or inherit a house. In short, she’s not trying to live with your mom nor is she trying to live in a box.

4. Buy a real nice car. You might think that girls know nothing about cars. It’s true… we don’t. But we can certainly tell the difference between a Mercedes SL63 AMG and a crappy 1990 Kia Sportage (did those even exist in 1990??).

5. If the girl is super religious, then you know what you have to do: attend all halaqas, lead prayers at the Masjid (make sure you practice your tajweed and memorization), wear jubbas (the long dress sheikhs wear), wear a kufi, have your mom be best friends with her mom, grow a beard (not too long though… refer to our previous post on the top 5 mr. mashallah beards), and make sure you’ve followed Rules 1 to 5. Oh yeah, also make sure to insert subhanAllah, mashAllah, and/or alhamdulillah into conversations even if it is at inappropriate times.

If you have followed all of our steps and she still doesn’t give you the time of day, then it is probable that either (a) she is a you-know-what! In which case YOU are probably out of HER league or (b) she really IS waay out of your leauge, but for self-esteem purposes let’s stick with the former.

 

Note:  The above blog post is ONLY meant for entertainment purposes.  We in no way advocate actually implementing the above tactics.  We simply hope you get a good laugh out of these posts :)

Posted 20 December 2012, 2:53AM

Topic: Main Topic
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    2017-08-22 23:31:26

    Meilani Lim

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    2013-02-21 18:56:50

    Hammad

    MashAllah to whoever's writing these!

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    2013-02-21 18:51:42

    Hammad

    Ah dang it, I made all the notes! And then I read the bold text at the bottom D= Even thought of the perfect place to hide... haha

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    2012-12-21 02:21:40

    Adeel

    hahaha!

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